That abortion will last a lifetime

For decades the debate over Abortion has raged with unflagging intensity. When does life “start”? Who should be able to make the decision? Isn’t abortion really just another word for murder? Is it a woman’s right to choose? Where does the father fit in the decision? States dominion or Federal Government?

What about rape, incest and life of the mother? These questions and many more have plagued the discussion and likely will continue to do so, unabated, for years to come.

The recent debate over whether the US government should eliminate funding for Planned Parenthood, which we now know is just a facade for a massive abortion factory, with many locations, has thrust the discussion back into the bright, hot light of public scrutiny.

And while it would be easy for me, like countless others to jump into the public fray of pro vs. con, debating the merits of Roe v. Wade, the Christian perspective, the right to life, the right of a woman to choose and when life really begins, I think I’ll leave such musings to the intellectual elites.

Because for me, the father of three great kids, (Ok adults, but they’re kids to me). I believe there is more than oppressive stats and theological perspective that needs to enter the conversation. And for those seriously thinking of such an action, there’s something more that needs to be considered. Something far too many I fear never contemplate…

We Americans are too quick to seek a one size fit all legal response to the cultural issues of our time. Whether or not abortion should be legal or not or when life really begins should not be the centerpiece arguments for the elimination of abortion. You cannot legislate behavior. Hello? Our prisons are full of people who acted impulsively or out of desperation, without regard to the consequences of the legislation they would be violating.

With that said; Although I personally abhor the practice of abortion, the purpose of this piece is not to condemn nor condone. I’ll leave that debate to the internal struggle abortive parents must face.

Rather this is about a simple observation I fear too many fail to ponder before making such a life altering decision. So why the sudden introspection on my part? As I was cleaning my small apartment in anticipation of a move, I noticed a picture that I had passed hundreds of times before. But although I have long prized this photograph, this time it spoke to me as though it was trying to grab my attention, as though it had something urgent to say.

It was a picture of my youngest daughters sonogram. As I stared at it with renewed fascination, it dawned on me the question of when life begins was unequivocally answered and that no one in their right mind would be able to dispute the evidence.

Could there possibly be any doubt that what was in the image was a person?

You can clearly see the completely formed body of a human being. The formed skull with visible eyes and nose. That fat “baby belly”, her hand reaching towards her face. Those crystal clear legs bent slightly at the knee as she uses them as leverage to relax while in her mother’s womb. A pose that almost says; “I’ll just hang out here until it’s time”.

Yes this is a person, another human being, my daughter. Although not yet born, certainly alive and well. As I reflected back on the day I first saw this image I recalled the flood of thoughts and questions that came in torrents.

Who would she resemble? What color would her hair be? Would she even have any?  What would her first word be and when? Would she be tall like my mom’s side of the family? Will she be a sleeper or a one of those cranky babies? Would her face be round or square?

What would interest her as she grew up? Would it be music, sports, the arts, science or perhaps all of them. Would she be addicted to Barney the Dinosaur like her older sister? What kind of things would we do together? What would be her favorite food? Pizza like her Dad? Would she like to hike and camp in the woods like her father, older Brother and Sister?

Would she like to sing, and could she since Dad can’t carry a tune? Would she get lost in a book or love to talk like her father? Would she have that weird facial tick that causes her to unconsciously pop her jaw just like her Daddy?

Would she like to drive our farm truck “in the tall grass” while sitting in my lap like the other two? Would she grow up to share my love and compassion for animals, especially horses?

(A question that would in fact be answered soon enough)

Would she be friendly, compassionate and kind? Would she make friends easily and be the type person that was there through thick and thin?

Would she have a best friend for life? One that she could always count on and who could count on her?

Why yes, yes she would

From the day these two were born they were inseparable. Almost twenty years later their friendship not only endures but serves as an example of what true friends are. These two have inspired many including a couple of Dads.

As youngsters they did everything together. They shared their hopes and dreams and losses and fears. When my youngest contracted a life threatening virus that went septic in her late teens, her bestie, despite being hundreds of miles away at college, also contracted the same virus and these two ended up in the same hospital, on the same floor and the exact same time! Yeah sometimes they did a little too much together!

But this story just proves how strong a bond can be. Even between two unrelated people. Imagine if they were blood relatives? Would it be a stretch to say they complete each? Not in the least and I cannot imagine one without the other… Further proof that decisions we make have lasting and often life altering results and frequently for people we do not yet or perhaps never will even know. I sure am glad she is here or I might have never learned this life lesson.

As I continued contemplating her arrival I wondered what would she dream about? Had she already begun while in her mothers womb?

When her older sister was a baby I used to sing to her. Her favorite song and mine too was Little Miss Magic. A song Jimmy Buffett wrote about his daughter…

A part of the song goes:

Sometimes I catch her dreamin’ and wonder where that little mind meanders
Is she strollin’ along the shore or cruisin’ o’er the broad savannah
I know someday she’ll learn to make up her own rhymes
Someday she’s gonna learn how to fly
Oh that I won’t deny

Her sister would just coo every time and of course dad too would allow his mind to meander. To think almost constantly about what her older sister too would become. It’s interesting that one of the greatest joys of parenting begins long before the arrival of the child. Wondering about the “Whats” and “What ifs”.

Having a special song for her sister I needed one that was uniquely for her. One we could share together that like Little Miss Magic, I could sing to her and we would always own that time together as exclusively ours.

Not being able to find one that I liked I put pen to paper and wrote her a funny little diddy that I sang to her every night:

(To the tune of the Beverly Hill Billies)

“Let me tell ya a story about a girl name Lil, born in Alabama, raised in Harpersville. Wakes up evr’y morning, expecting to be fed, doesn’t stop eatin till she goes to bed.

Well the next thing ya know ole Lil’s a millionaire, made a small fortune selling body hair, came to Alabama with a banjo on her knee, Spent all her money on Lipo Surgery” 

Corny I know. But that’s what Dads do.

On her 19th Birthday I called her cell and sang her our song into her voice mail. She called back two hours later balling her eyes out overcome with emotion! I sure am glad she is here or I would have missed that amazing moment!

Her life has given me one joy after another and some heartbreaks and disappointments too. But the joys experienced with her and lessons I’ve learned from her have been too many to count.

Those many nights and Saturday afternoons watching her play softball. The barrel racing at the rodeos she competed in. I remember with fondness the frustration when she climbed into the cool fireplace to investigate and emerged a soot covered mess. Or the time she sheared off her golden blonde locks of hair. How she used to taunt her sitter every day by refusing to speak a word in her presence, causing the sitter much frustration knowing she wasn’t a mute. Only to babble on that evening about how she was messing with her. And of course the talks; the numerous talks about sports, boats, horses, boys, God, school, boys again and so on.

But all this was unknown and yet to come. So as I continued to gaze upon the image I caught myself wondering the biggest question of all; will she be like me? And in so many ways she is. Many of our interests are the same. She has my nose, my eyes and my mouth, no I mean my “mouth”, she shares my sometimes bad temper. She can be mischievous, yet fiercely loyal. She’s quite the ham too, not camera shy and loves to show off, like her dad! In other words shes a little female me!

AND THEN IT HIT ME!

I began to ponder how someone could ever entertain the idea of ending a life by aborting a pregnancy. That thing is part ME! Of course their are the myriad of oft used rationales:

“I can’t afford this baby”

“I’m not ready”

“I’m too young, too old, scared, broke, unemployed, etc etc.”

“It was an accident”, “I have to finish school”, “What would people think”, “What about my job?”, “Who will help me?” “I don’t know nothing about babies”

This list is virtually endless and each of these concerns are valid fears. Interestingly enough many of the fears of “accidental” mothers are the same fears shared by couples that are in fact ready. A woman finding out she’s pregnant can bring on a whole host of anxieties whether they think they’re ready or not.

But as I’m prone to do, as is my youngest since she’s like me, I started to really think about the future and what would drive someone to choose to end a pregnancy considering all the joy I would experience.

I’m not now, nor have I ever been an “accidental” mother so I cannot and refuse to judge this decision. But through this contemplation I did come to realize something I would hope future potential abortive parents might consider…

For all the rationalization to end a pregnancy, there’s one big reason to reconsider. No it’s not just the loss of those special moments, moments you cannot even conceive of now, or the joys, frustrations, victories and losses you will never know. It’s more than unwritten and unsung songs and those funny little Turkey’s made by tracing a tiny hand. It’s more than the amazing journey of watching them grow to adulthood. No it’s something much, much deeper.

That little bundle is much more than just a fetus. It’s 50% YOU and in a very literal sense. That baby, right now, already, shares more than just a concoction of your DNA, that magical recipe that allows traits and characteristics to be passed down through the generations. It possesses a part of your very being, it contains a part of your SOUL.

Much like Christ was the incarnation of the heavenly Father into human form, possessing his traits and qualities, that child, while still in the womb possesses your spirit and essence.

When a pregnancy is terminated there is more than just the ending of the babies life, there is a “death” of part of the mother as well, that part of her very being she bestowed upon that fetus at conception. This is the reason many women that end pregnancies report a feeling of loss or a nagging sense of incompleteness for many years if not permanently after having aborted a child. Some have reported thoughts of suicide and many have succeeded. Ongoing depression and thoughts of despair and deep seated guilt plague many post abortion women.

Nurturing is simply in the DNA of women and abortion is antithetical to that biological hard wiring. I know timing can be bad, circumstances not ideal, sometimes even painful or life altering. I’m not pretending issues might exist and that every abortion decision had convenience as its prime motivation. There are dozens of reasons, whether imagined or not that a woman might consider such a move.

But there is one consideration that absolutely must be taken into consideration every time. That you will live with the consequences and you will take that choice to the grave with you.

Some claim abortion is murder. I suppose that’s a fair claim but only if we also acknowledge that it’s also fair to call it partial suicide. Yes the baby dies, but a part of mom dies as well. And that’s a sacrifice I would hope more women would contemplate.

So if you are considering ending a pregnancy perhaps it would be wise to consider more than just the immediate impact of that decision and even the loss of a future of joy and love but please also consider the lasting impact that choice will have on you, your well being and sense of completeness for the duration of your life.

Thinking of aborting that child? Please consider choosing life instead…

But not only hers…

But yours as well!